


Struggling

by curlysupergirl



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Early Relationship, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, First Introductions, First Meetings, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Lonely Steve Rogers, M/M, Poetry, Protective Tony Stark, References to Depression, SHIELD, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 08:26:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16636403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlysupergirl/pseuds/curlysupergirl
Summary: What if Tony and Steve’s first meeting had gone differently?





	Struggling

Steve was struggling. Struggling with life, with the new century, with his own happiness, and with everyone he knew gone. It was amazing how in all the years before the serum, before he became Captain America, when he was still a sickly kid from Brooklyn who never knew if his next sneeze would be his last, he never felt truly alone. Even when his Ma died, he still had Bucky. But now… now he truly was without a single friend. No one spoke to him at SHIELD and certainly not on the street. People didn’t even say excuse me when they shoved him on the train.

 

And he knew all the mantras, that happiness was a choice, a choice he had to make every day, not dependent on anyone else. But he wanted, so desperately wanted, to feel love again. To feel trust and excitement, to feel home in this cold, lonely world. He missed the casual hugs that Bucky would give, followed by a light punch to make him feel like a man. He felt the acute loss of what should have been his ultimate sacrifice every day, and he felt guilt on top of it all, for the second chance his friends didn’t get.

 

The first few weeks weren’t so bad, but as the excitement of a new world, like a new mission, wore off, he started noticing how the grey clouds that used to come and go were now constantly overhead, and his internal storm rained down his face more often than not. Back in his day, they didn’t have professionals to sit and talk with you, and if they did, he certainly couldn’t afford them. Back in his day, you cried in the shower so no one could see, and then you spent the night pretending you didn’t see everyone else doing the same exact thing. Back in the army, though words were sparse, you shared everything with your makeshift family, and you couldn’t want for more.

 

SHIELD had been the first to bring him into this cold new future, where people ignored each other in favor of the little devices they carried with them everywhere ( _and who were they always talking to if they never spoke to anyone in person?_ ) but he’d be damned if he let the organization that stole his death steal his new life. He was suffocating, and he didn’t quite know how to fix it. There were only so many nights he come home in the dark, exhausted from a day devoid of human interaction but for the lengthy meetings in which no one reached any productive conclusions (as far as he could tell, the entire organization spent nine hours a day doing less than three hours of work) but he knew he needed to talk about it. With no one to talk to, he grabbed his coat and braved the cold to soak up some sunlight in his favorite park. He found his favorite bench between the trees that shielded his eyes from the sun but didn’t block the light from warming his soul, and he pulled out his notepad and he wrote.

 

_Struggle_

 

_In my office today, I saw hundreds of people_

_Typing away, not saying a word_

_I sat like an outsider as their friends flitted through_

_Sipping my coffee, watching the herd_

 

_Just a small guy from Brooklyn desperately trying_

_To connect with others and not feel so alone_

_Counting down until lunch, when I can go on a walk_

_So I can watch more strangers interacting with their phones_

 

_I’m withering inside and I don’t know how_

_To make it all better, to stop the tears_

_I’m weepy and whiny, I’m tired and cold_

_And I don’t know what happened in the last few years_

 

_I used to be a vibrant kid, with a small group of friends_

_Not popular by any means, but I never needed more_

_Now I get more “Good morning!”s from the security guards_

_Than the people working two desks away on my floor_

 

_They say it gets better and I have to believe it_

_Because how in the world can it possibly get worse_

_I’m trying so hard to focus on the positive_

_But I’m struggling. So. Much. More than I deserve_

 

_I just want a hug, I just want to be loved_

_I just want someone to come home to at night_

_I want, no I need, to get out of this office_

_Because I desperately need to be in the sunlight_

 

_Not watch it through a window like a picture perfect view_

_Not watch it from a distance, like I watch the herd_

_I need to go out and enjoy the world I live in_

_Because I know my worth and I know what I deserve_

 

_It’s hard to choose happiness, harder than choosing life_

_But a miserable existence can’t be my only choice_

_I know that there are others, struggling like me_

_So I’m reaching out to them, sharing my voice_

 

_Because I know I’m not alone, but I’d like to know for sure_

_I need to hear from you to help me stumble through_

_This new confusing world, where the sky’s not always blue_

_I need help choosing happiness, and I know that you do too_

 

_We can do it together, hand in hand, you and I_

_Come and pat my back and tell me that you’re proud_

_I need the validation, the appreciation_

_I need to hear the words come from someone else’s mouth_

 

_We can take to the ground, there is strength in numbers_

_And together we can choose to turn the skies blue_

_We can conquer this affliction with faith and conviction_

_That we can be everything and anything we set our minds to_

 

He was just wrapping up his notepad when a shadow fell across his lap and he looked up to see a man wearing a suit that looked like it was crafted for his exact body measurements. In this new age, it probably was.

 

“Paper and pen. Haven’t seen that in longer than I can remember.”

 

“I’m not exactly up to date with the latest technologies. I feel much more at home with what I can do with my own two hands.”

 

“Well I understand that perfectly. Except what I do with my hands is make technology. Tony Stark,” he introduced himself, holding out his hand. “I assume you escaped from SHIELD. Need a place to stay? I have a spare floor or two at my place and it’s gotta be better than whatever cubicle they shove you into over there in between missions. My father used to say Stark men are made of iron, but the truth is,” he paused to chuckle, “we’re all made of the same carbon. We all love, we all hurt, and we all want companionship. I understand needing to find your own path, especially if SHIELD has been feeding you whatever half-truths are enough to keep you loyal and quiet, but you don’t have to do it alone.”

 

Steve just stared at this generous, amazing person, who would bare his soul to a stranger to put him at ease, and in that moment, memories of love and laughter, friendship, and hope flooded his mind. With a few kind words, he could see that there was good in this world, still people he could connect with on the most basic level.

 

“You seem a little overwhelmed,” he added. “I should probably put my hand down already.”

 

“No!” gasped Steve, reaching out to finally shake Tony’s hand with a murmured apology for the delay. “I’m Steve. Rogers. And I’d very much like to be your friend.”

 

“Well, Steve, how about we start with dinner?” he asked. “And then after that you can move in,” he added with a wink.

 

“I’d like that Tony. Very much.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you connected with this poem/fic in any way. I've been struggling with my own storm clouds and I would love some kind words or virtual hugs :)


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